On being arrested.

I was arrested once. It was in Boulder, Colorado, of all places. There was a mix up. It wasn't my fault. Really. It's really too boring to even describe.

They take your shoelaces and belt, at the jail, you know. I tried telling them, "Trust me. There's no way I will kill myself over this." But policy is policy, Jack. No exceptions.

That's my problem: mindless authority.

And that is what will eventually get me thrown in jail real good.

It nearly happened again a couple of weeks ago. looking back, I can see how very close I was to being arrested. But at the time, in the heat of my self-righteous moment, I felt invincible... bullet proof.

I'm quite certain that I wasn't either of those things, now, looking back.

I was pulled over for speeding in a school zone. It's that simple, really. I could give you the details... explain how completely ridiculous it was. How obvious of a trap it was. How small the signs were. How flatly bureaucratic and matter-of-fact the cop was. But I won't. Besides, a reasonable person could also just as easily say, "Dude, you were speeding. Shut up."

At first, I just sat there silently, while he wrote my two hundred and fifty dollar ticket.

That's two hundred and fifty smackers.

$250.

At first, I just sat there in my truck, patiently waiting for my ticket. But then a black rage began to grow inside me. Looking back, I think it's actually healthy to occasionally feel powerless... "Done unto". I think it helps to keep one's ego in check... humbling. (Especially for a white, American male. There is literally no more privileged sub-species on the planet. Top of the food chain, in many ways.)

But there in my truck, I suddently felt like I could lead a revolution... and win.

I started mouthing off to the cop. I started lecturing him, since he had just lectured me about the dangers and pitfalls of speeding (I was going 33 in a temporarily-dropped 20 zone). I told him how utterly obvious it was that they were parked here solely to earn the city a free $20,000 from people just trying to get across town.

I believe the phrase that struck me as appropriate and fitting was "This is fucking horseshit". I used it a lot in a short amount of time. As in: "This is fucking horseshit and you know it."

This is a good way to get arrested.

To his credit, the cop just finished writing the ticket. But not before trying to lamely argue with me a little. I was having nothing of it though... I just said something like, "C'mon man... We both know that this is purely about money -- not about public safety. It's horsehit."

Then I got impatient with him. I sort of told him to hurry up and give me my ticket. I had things to do.

That is a good way to get arrested.

I began using mild psychological warfare... asking him how he felt about being a revenue producer instead of actually protecting people. Didn't he feel misused and manipulated? Was this why he joined the police force?

That is another good way to get arrested.

Then I told him that if he wanted to meet me at the same spot tomorrow at the same time, I'd probably be speeding again... if he wanted to earn another $250 for his monthly chart.

Yes. I could have gone to the pokey at any minute.

...

But I didn't. This time...

I have this sense though... that I'm going to meet the wrong cop one day... and then I'm going to spend some real time in jail. Who knows, if the right circumstances intersect, I might even do some time in prison. If so, the core reason will be the same: utter disrespect for blind authority.

They say, "You can't fight city hall." Of course you can. And you will lose. This is true.

...

I'm not proud of this silly anti-authority thing that I have. I know it is immature and wreckless. But I just have this auto-response to bureaucrats blindly following policy... it's like a violent allergy. It immediately infuriates me. I'm sure there is some deep-seated psychological reason for this...

But honestly, I might have to get that therapy in prison.

Will you write to me?