The best part of growing a beard...

By far, the BEST part of growing a beard is getting to shave it off.

...

Incrementally.

[WARNING: THIS IS A RIDICULOUSLY NARCISSISTIC BLOG POST -- EVEN MORE THAN USUAL]


Note the huge zeeb on my right forehead...
This is the starting point: "Full Beard In Bed With Zit".
Also known as "The Myspace Pillow Shot".


Now Let The Cutting Begin! It's A Beard Harvest!

...


I call this one "Gay Civil War Era Train Engineer".
Excuse me, do you like Mutton?


So thoughtful...
"Where DO these train tracks lead anyhow?"
A coal-powered bathhouse, perhaps?



This is just straight up "Serial Killer"...



Off With the Chops! Perhaps the "Ugliest Kissey Face Possible".
Note the single eye being closed.
Does it say "I'm Quirky" or "Permanent Brain Injury"?



I dunno... The Handlebars...
They DO offer something to hold on to... visually, I mean.



Look Ma! No handlebars!
I call this one: "Scott Common Circa 1983"
Or... "The Carpet Installer"



Again, why do serial killers love mustaches so...?
"It puts the lotion in the basket, or it gets the hose again!!!!!"
And yet... It also has a certain "Porthos of The Three Musketeers" quality...



HEIL!
Alas, no beard escapade could ever be complete without a brief stop in Nazi Germany...
For the record, this is named a "Toothbrush Mustache".
Dammit! Hitler ruins EVERYTHING!



And finally we return, full circle, to where we once began...
But wiser somehow...
To that most subtle of facial hair statements: "The Soul Patch".
Otherwise known as "I'm White But At Least My Lower Lip Can Have Soul"


I hope you enjoyed this trip through the Facial Hair Forest as much as I did. Somehow though, I don't think that's possible.

Ahem.

Enough of that.

~John