detached heart

detached heart
written dec 2, 2007 in prague.

as soon as i decided to leave
i regretted it.
this happens all the time.
it's a result of having a detached heart.

this goofy body, always flailing around
acting connected, purposeful,
is totally unmoored, adrift.
it makes rash decisions.

our clumsy relationships are anchors.
without them, we just float away into open water
and our heart swims behind,
trying to catch up, ever late.

Me no longer on a cleanse/fast: Day 2 | 10:15PM

Pancakes.

Me BARELY on a cleanse/fast: Day 2 | 6:30PM

I'm this close to finding myself a steak.

No seriously.

The jones have hit and hit hard.

Yowza!

It's been 2 full days... Hmmm... Maybe that's enough?

Weak... I know. Weak.

Me on a cleanse/fast: Day 2 | 11:03AM

Several friends have been checking in on me... to make sure I'm not on the kitchen floor, covered in twinkie wrappers, in a diabetic coma. Here's an IM conversation between my friend Robin and me.

11:03am Robin

how you feeling??

did you put me on speed dial?

11:03am John

i feel pretty good this morning!

had a headache last night.

11:03am Robin

yikes

11:03am John

surprised it took that long for the headache to come

11:03am Robin

scary

11:03am John

?

what's scary?

11:04am Robin

not eating

11:04am John

oh.

11:04am Robin

that's scary to me

I love to eat

11:04am John

let's see...

i've missed 5 or so meals so far. not that much.

11:04am Robin

whoa.

so good, I'm glad you're feeling ok

11:09am John

yes!

i'm actually feeling better than i thought.

and wanna hear something weird?

11:10am Robin

yes

please

tell me something weird

11:10am John

I haven't been hungry once.

literally.

it's strange.

11:10am Robin

be glad you don't get the food network

and

don't watch Ratatouille, whatEVER you do

:)

11:11am John

but a couple of times, i've been psychologically hungry... meaning, i noticed my mind wanting food but not because i was hungry... because of some other eating trigger.

interesting, huh?

11:12am Robin

tode

I would have eaten my arm off by now

11:12am John

prolly not, actually.

it's a neat exercise... to see the difference between true/physical hunger and psychological/pattern hunger

11:13am Robin

oh I'm psychological, all right

maybe just psycho..

not so logical

especially when it comes to eating

ok, kid, good luck on your adventure!

ttyl

11:14am John

bye!

Me on a cleanse/fast: Day 1 | 10:25PM

Well now... Don't I have quite the headache.

O0ouch.

I think this is from not drinking a pot of coffee -- caffeine withdrawal. Oh, or eating.

I'll stop whining now. :-)

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Me on a cleanse/fast Day 1

Me on a cleanse/fast: Day 1 | 1:25PM

So far so good.

This cayenne is really... hot. I can honestly say I've never drunk this much lemon juice, cayenne, water and maple syrup before. And I have a lot left to drink before the end of the day.

I feel a little stoned. But honestly, I felt a little stoned last night BEFORE the cleanse. Maybe it was all that pot I smoked. Kidding. So maybe I'm just coming down with something... or maybe I'm just naturally stoned. Yah brah.

On a normal day, I would have had a pot of coffee, a bowl of cereal (breakfast), a big ass sandwich of some kind (lunch), several cigarettes, and probably some fruit by now. It actually feels kind of nice to be giving the whole eating thing a rest.

I'm sure I'll be writing something entirely different in five or six hours. I have band rehearsal tonight. I wonder how grouchy I'll be...

_________________________________________________


Me on a cleanse/fast: Day 1

Me on a cleanse/fast: Day 0... Post Script

I'm already going to shaman land... I think it's a pre-cleanse high.

I'm ready to see Jesus eating a pork sandwich with Yul Brynner in the parking lot behind The Ten Commandments Hollywood set. Jesus turns to Charlton Heston and says, "They're gonna remember you for being an NRA nut. Mark my words, Charlie."

My brain is ready for a full blown Cecil B. DeMille-meets-William S. Burroughs production. I hope the lemon juju delivers. Bring on the tremors, bitch. Wait. That wasn't very "open hearted".

See? I'm already getting agro.

Me on a cleanse/fast: Day 0

I'm starting a cleanse/fast tomorrow...

Why? Good question.

Mainly because I think it would do me some good... to "reboot" my system, kick some habits, and try for some of that loopy clarity that they say comes around day 3.

I tried a similar thing years ago and found it to be really difficult but also really cool. It's an interesting way to put yourself into an altered mental (and physical) state.

I've heard good things about one named the Master Cleanse. Several friends have done it. Oh, and I just read that Beyonce did it to. Great. So, tomorrow morning, I'm gonna start.

(By the way, I make most of my big decisions by asking, "What would Beyonce do?" She's a real North Star for me.)

I also decided to blog about it... mainly because I think this whole thing might offer up some pretty entertaining stuff. And I don't mind putting my suffering, addictive urges (coffee, nicotine, alcohol, food, etc), and off kilter, strange thoughts on display for you.

And when I say "display", don't worry -- I won't be sharing EVERYthing. Ahem.

I'm anticipating 2-3 days of biblical headaches and DEFCON 5 bitchiness followed by semi-psychedelic levels of bliss. We'll see. I might be weak and just bail 1 day in... but I'm gonna try and tough it out.

Here we go! Wish me luck!

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Me on a cleanse/fast: Day 0

(Why do I look sort of scared?)

WANTED: Kazooists for The People's Kazoo Orchestra (PKO)

Hi,

We're starting a kazoo orchestra. And we need you. Yes, YOU.
(See below for details on how to join.)

I'm not kidding.

It's going to be named The People's Kazoo Orchestra (PKO).

Why? WHY? We're doing it for several reasons:

1) I'm putting together a new band and I believe it won't be complete unless and until we leverage the untapped, mysterious beauty and indescribable power of kazoo. I need a kazoo section in my band dammit.

2) The kazoo has the shortest learning curve of any instrument other than perhaps clapping. It is the instrument OF the people, BY the people, and FOR the people. The sound of kazoo is the sound of freedom. And we need to let freedom ring. We can take this country back... Kazoo is our drum and fife.

3) I giggle and smile when I think of us all playing a show together.

4) This is your chance to rock out on stage. Don't bother learning guitar or drums. That's a waste -- the world has enough of those, frankly.

5) Clearly... This is an idea whose time has come.


MANIFESTO FOR THE PEOPLE'S KAZOO ORCHESTRA

Rule 1) There will be as little rehearsing as possible. Probably, out in the alley right before the gig.

Rule 2) No prior music experience is required. You must only be capable of humming a tune.

Rule 3) You must be committed, fully, to the pursuit and development of a career in music as a kazooist.

Rule 4) Drinking is recommended at all PKO functions.

Rule 5) You can provide your own kazoo. They are available at local music stores.

Rule 6) Remember, there is no "I" in kazoo. This is about building kommunity and sharing love through the magic and mystery of kazoo. It's called a kazoo, not a kaYou.

Rule 7) There is no Rule 7.


HOW TO JOIN -- WE NEED YOU!

Contact John Common at letters@johncommon.com. Express your interest in joining the PKO in a manner befitting your personality and unique style. If you're really good, you might get first chair!

The first rehearsal is Wed, January 28th at the Oriental Theater -- an invitation only event.

This is not a joke. we need kazooists, badly.

My conversation with W.